I struggle sometimes...

I'm engaged to the most patient, loving and supportive man. Dan loves me in ways that surprise me everyday. He is affectionate, thoughtful, kind and he makes me laugh. He honestly thinks I'm the most beautiful woman in the world. And all other girls have disappeared for him. He listens when I talk and remembers things that I'm concerned about or that I might want or want to do. He sends me little notes to remind me he misses me and is thinking about me. He is working his tail off to be able to buy our little family a house and move out here so we can be together. He sincerely loves my daughter and misses her just as much as he misses me. Maybe even more! I could go on and on. Dan is such a good man and I'm the luckiest girl in the world that he waited patiently for 10 years for me to figure out what I really wanted.
So where's the struggle? It's me!! Stupid, insecure me. I struggle to accept his love. I struggle to trust. I struggle with just allowing things to be good. I was burned so badly in the past that even a compliment is hard for me to accept. Take last night. I must have driven him nuts with my anxiety. But, he patiently talked me through three or four phone calls until I finally settled down enough to sleep.
I love Dan so much. I wish I had better words to describe how I feel. I need to just relax. Just accept that I have an incredible man, who loves me unconditionally. He's not going anywhere. He won't hurt me. He won't lie to me. And in 50 years, he's still going to want to hold my hand and spend every minute possible together. Hopefully by then I'm not so neurotic!

A few details.....

Since everyone is asking. Here you go...


Dan's last name is Soliz.

Dan and I met in 1998 at SUU. He actually opened the door for me when I first walked into the dorms. I remember thinking, "Humm... he's pretty cute!" We started dating a few weeks later. Over the next several, or should I say 10 years, we've been in and out of each other's lives. He's always been very special to me. And we have a lot of great memories together. We were just always going in separate directions.

Dan is currently living in California, but plans to move out here as soon as possible. He's a sales manager for Diskeeper Corp. It's software stuff. Don't ask me to explain it.

We don't have a wedding date yet. He's thinking spring, I'm thinking fall. Maybe we'll compromise and have a summer wedding? We just need to get him to Utah first.

Celia adores Dan. In fact sometimes I completely disappear for her when he's around. Yesterday, she wouldn't let me walk her to preschool. Dan just had to do it. And she was way bummed out that he wasn't there to pick her up. It was 'just mommy'! They love to play Pollies and Ponies together. They will sit on the floor and play for the longest time. Just making up little stories and silly games. She loves to sit between us on the couch and be the 'peanut butter' for snuggles. And he gets to share her snacks when no one else does. That little girl might actually have a bigger place in his heart than I do! Thank you to everyone for sharing in my happiness! I've been so overwhelmed by everyone's excitement and kindness! Sharida- I might just take you up on your offer. Thanks!!

New Year's Surprise!!!

When I posted last, I had nothing but the highest hopes for a Happy New Year. I wasn't expecting this.......

Dan proposed!!

I get to marry my very best friend!

I had NO idea this was coming! I was just so excited that we got to spend New Year's together. And then he gave me a book he had made with our story in it. At the end it told me that he wanted to love me forever and then asked me to marry him. Of course I said yes! I didn't even have to think about it.

Dan is my best friend. He's loved me through my trials and patiently waited as I figured out who I was. Celia adores him. He is everything I want in a husband, friend and partner. Well, everything and more. He knows me for me. And truly loves me just the way I am.

I'm still in shock. Shocked and so incredibly happy. I told my mom first thing this morning. Then invited my sisters over for breakfast to share our news. My dad and Cheryl came later. Then Chace called from Spain. I still have a huge list of people I need to tell. Hopefully, if they read it here first they'll forgive me.

Today has been a blissfully happy day! I have the man I love, my beautiful daughter and my family to share my new joy! Does it get any better than this??

So, I'll keep everyone posted as to wedding plans. We don't have a date set just yet. We're still working on getting Dan here to Utah. That just can't happen soon enough...