I've been thinking a lot about my evolution in motherhood.
When I first had Celia I was an extremely nervous mother. I changed her diaper after every feeding, regardless if she needed it or not. Likewise I changed her clothes after each time she spit up. (And she was a spitter! I have horror stories.) I also ironed her onesies and her diaper bag was packed for every foreseeable contingency. I probably would have packed the humidifier if it would have fit. I obsessively styled her nonexistent hair and made scores and scores of little hair bows. I scoured every baby book I could get my hands on and laid awake nights worrying about all my parenting shortfalls. I controled her activitires by what I has read were the most optimum activites for her age. I obsessively cleaned everything with sanitary wipes. Stroller, shopping cart, swings. And I always had a bottle of hand sanitizer to dole out.
But, more than that. I was unhappy.
Flash forward four years... Celia is invariably the dirtiest kid on the playground. Her hair is blonde tangled mass of wild fly aways. Her shoes flip sand wherever she walks and her clothes are always stained with the day's meals and art projects. I sleep a lot better and I haven't picked up a parenting book in quite some time. I've learned that she's happiest when she's outside, running wild and exploring. I've learned that her tactile instinct is her strongest. Which means that she does have to touch everything. I keep her hands fairly washed, but sometimes miss the shopping cart handle. We read everyday and tell stories in the car ride to work and school. And sometimes, she skips her bath at night because we'd rather have a few more minutes to snuggle.
So, looking back over my evolution of motherhood, I think I'm a much better parent than I started out as.
I'm not perfect, but I am happier. I think that's the best gift I could give my little Celia.
No comments:
Post a Comment