My (Un)Official Movie Review

Because I know you're all just dying to know what I thought...

New Moon movie. Lame oh!

I'll admit I'm a fan of the books. Not the crazy-read-the-book-500-times, buy-everything-Twilight, rename-my-husband-Edward-type of fan.

Just a fan.

I've read the series once and was equally critical as well as complementary of them all.

My biggest complaint?

Could Bella be anymore codependent?

Ok, so it probably didn't help that I was also reading Codependent No More while reading the Twilight series.

Anyway, I just don't like the message the books send.

You are nothing without a man. A man is your only existence.

Disregard your family and friends.

That, and Stephanie Meyer's characters talk way too much.

Talk, talk, talk. Build up the story climax. Talk, talk, talk. Build the climax more. Talk a lot more. Then end story abruptly. Blah.

So, I may be a total hypocrite in that I was excited to see the movies. Despite my criticism, I did enjoy the books.

And I kinda have a thing for vampires.

Anyway...

I really liked the first Twilight movie. I have my criticism. But, it had the feel of an independent film. That's a good thing.

Since, New Moon was so much about Jacob I was excited to see it. Yeah, I also have a thing for brown guys. Well, one in particular.

My husband! But, I digress...

New Moon was so not good. Tacky, cheesy, overdramatic. Ugh. I can do better makeup. Did they not see Interview With A Vampire or Brahm Stoker's Dracula?

That's how you makeup a vampire.

And the wig lines. Please! Kayt, I'm sure you'll agree... they're not that hard to cover up!

Then there were the dream sequences.

All five hundred of them.

I think dream sequences are cheesy anyway. But, really. How many do you really need in a movie?

Also, how many times do we need to see Bella wake up screaming?

Enough already.

Why not add some of the good stuff they cut out? Like more of those hotties in the wolf pack.

The wolves were cool. Good CGI.

The Voltori. Not scary. Not cool.

Don't hype them up as big baddies when in fact they're just pasty people in capes that talk a lot and wear red contacts. Again, let's reference Dracula and the gang of undead from

Interview With a Vampire.

Now they were scary!

My biggest complaint about the movie?

The hype!

They adult woman moaning and screaming in the theaters, the Twilight merchandise everywhere. I even saw New Moon themed candy hearts the other day.

So over it!

I feel no need to see the movie twenty times in the theater and buy everything Twilight I can get my hands on.

Am I a scrooge?

I'd just rather lust after the real hero man in my life than some fictional one in a book. He is Jacob and Edward combined, plus about a million!

Love you Danny Boy!